Building Strong Relationships

I have the privilege of training many people around the world. I like to ask them "what are relationships built on?" Almost without fail the response is "trust."

I say yes to building trust but I believe there is something even more foundational to trust. It is a key building block to establishing a trusting relationship.

Communications! Did you know that one of the first targets in war is the communication lines. If you can successfully cut them off it will seriously decrease the enemy's ability to respond to attacks both on the defense and offense. Closer home the source of many troubled marriages is poor communications. Sometimes it is so bad there is no communication.

It's like the husband and wife that are arguing. (None of you reading my blog has ever argued with their spouses, have they?) The husband realizes that he has to wake at 4:30am to catch a flight. He decides to write a note to his wife and leave it on her pillow. It says "please wake me at 4:30am to catch a flight." As morning comes he is awakened to the bright sun, he hops out of bed to find his wife when he sees a note on his night stand. It says, "It's 4:30am, GET UP!

How about "ASAP"? Do you use this acronym? What exactly does this mean? In these same groups I ask this very question. I hear everything from "now" to "sometime this week." There just does not seem to be any explanation as to what this really means.

Well, this post is already too long and I am too tired so come back and read more.

What the World Revolves Around!

There is something in this world that we cannot escape, it causes the greatest amount of pressure. Sadly it is also the most neglected subject in management circles?

I know, what am I talking about?

"Relationships" They are everywhere! As the heading of this blog clearly states, great leaders MUST build strong relationships. There is no running from this simple fact. Leadership potential is directly proportional to a persons ability to build relationships.

I am not just talking about workplace relationships. Coach John Wooden (Hall of Fame NCAA Basketball Coach) is a great example of this basic human principle. He cared more about what his players did off the court then what they did on the court. His goal? Develop great men!

He desired to see his men as great sons, brothers, neighbors, workers, citizens, and fathers. He knew if the coaching staff accomplished this a powerful by-product would be a great basketball player. More business leaders need to understand this and treat their employees in an entirely different manner. Their goal should be to help their people reach their full potential.

Horribly, many managers today are not only poor relationship builders, they are actually relationship destroyers. For more information on Coach Wooden's philosophy, go to coachwooden.com.

Next? Some workplace relationship building steps that you can start today.

3 Steps of Encouragement

A foundational corner stone of encouragement should be focusing on good character verses good skill or achievement. Please don't misunderstand, recognizing achievement is fine but that should not be the emphasis. Here is a typical achievement recognition:

“Good job! I’m glad you were able to handle that irate customer. We need the sales volume.”

Here is the same situation but with character emphasized:

“I appreciate your patience in dealing with that irate customer. You took the time to properly resolve a difficult situation. That was a good example to me. I am reminded that it is easier to keep a customer than to find a new one. Thank you!”

Character First! has a saying that I think brings this home.

"Expect good character from yourself and admire it in other people."

Let me share with you the three steps of encouragement that we teach in our Basic Implementation Seminar. In order for our commendation to fulfill its purpose all three steps must be included.

1. Definition - use the character qualities definition. This helps to intentify a specific quality and reinforce the understanding of its meaning. In the above example it was patience. Character First! has written each definition to be simple and yet practical. Take a look at this handy PDF of 49 traits.

2. Illustration - explain the specific way the principle was demonstrated. This is important so others learn what it takes to live out that character quality.

3. Benefit - this is very important. Here you will want to share how their action benefited you, the company, and even the customer. I happen to think this is what makes the recipient feel the best.

We call these three steps the DIB process. Definition, Illustration, Benefit! So go out today and DIB someone. It will revolutionize your relationships.

Improve Morale - Part 2

Maybe I should spend some time sharing the foundation of effective encouragement. I would like to start with a simple question, what should we be encouraging?

The most effective support we can give others is the positive reinforcement of “good character.” You might want to think of character as right choices. What is good character? Good character is the inward motivation to do the right thing in every circumstance. For a more comprehensive look at what character is click on Character Defined.

Celebrating a successful marketing campaign because it brought in millions in revenue is ok, but it is an achievement based recognition. What if some team members lied or exaggerated some facts? What if they were rude to subcontractors while establishing contract guidelines? We just celebrated poor decisions. We must discern the underlying character qualities that people demonstrating during the process. Someone may have still lied, but at least their conscience has been pricked if truthfulness was pointed out.

Come back as the next post will be about the simple three step process to effective and lasting encouragement. If you master these steps you will revolutionize your workplace, community, and family.

Improve Morale

How many times have you heard the complaint, "boy, morale sure is low"? I happen to think it is the number one problem plaguing leaders today. Unfortunately, in many organizations the source of the problem is the leader.

At the heart of poor relationships and low morale is the lack of appreciation. Over 70% of all people leaving a job claim the lack of appreciation or encouragement as a major reason.

I remember growing up in New Jersey and my dad (now a retired NJ State Trooper) was extremely good at pointing out everything I did wrong (he did not have to look long or hard) and never focusing on the things done right. This feeds the idea that he wanted me to be "perfect."

I am here to tell you, no one can live under the pressure of perfection. This is why so many young people are counting the days until they turn 18 and plan to leave home. Why do you think gangs are so successful? They encourage their members all the time. "Way to go man, great job, you stole those 10 radar detectors in one night, keep up the good work." Ladies and gentlemen, this is encouragement—unfortunately on the wrong thing: poor character.

A very powerful book on the subject of encouragement is The Carrot Principle written by Adrian Gostick and Chester Elton. We have featured this book on our Character Community Network.

I can easily write several more pages on this subject, but long entries might scare you away. I do, however, plan to write more on this subject and many others, so come back soon.

This is my first experiencing blogging, and I really look forward to your comments.