The Art of Building Relationships

When you ask people, what is the foundation of good relationships? I often hear, "trust." Trust is so important that Stephen M. R. Covey wrote a great book titled, The Speed of Trust."

I agree, trust is a huge part but there is something even more foundational. If you don't believe me, try removing this from any relationships in your life and see what happens.

What am I talking about? Communications!!!

If communication is important what should it look like? Better yet, what should it not be like?

Consistent, accurate, regular, open, are just a few key words.

When a military battle plan is drawn up the first objective is to knockout the enemies communications. More effective than precise reconnaissance or carpet bombing, if communication lines are cut, everything quickly falls apart.

Come back for more suggestions on the power of communications.

Anger On The Rise!

Have you all noticed how angry people are getting? Just yesterday morning I watched a report about a 15-year old boy that was set on fire by a group of other teens. When these teens were questioned by the police, several of them laughed and joked about it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Two people in a Boston McDonald's were so upset that their large fry order was delivered as a small fry that one threw their change in the cashier's face and the other one threw yellow "wet floor" signs hitting a second cashier.

10 Nations and 11 States Attend the Character First! Networking Conference

Uganda, Rwanda, Tanzania, Romania, Philippines, New Zealand, South Africa, Canada, Taiwan, Trinidad/Tobago, and 11 US States attended the Character First! Networking Conference in Oklahoma City. The schedule was full of dynamic speakers and helpful information.

One of the most exciting things was an idea shared by one of the Ugandan delegates. They asked if a US Character Council would be willing to partner with them to assist in building a Character Council in Uganda.

We were all so thrilled to hear such a great idea. We immediately hooked them up with the Fort Collins Colorado Character Council which had 4 members in attendance.

Watch this blog for more details soon!

Why Be an Ethical Company?

I just read an interesting article titled, "Why Be an Ethical Company? They're Stronger and Last Longer". This was a focus on short-term profits to the exclusion of all else led to the current financial crisis. And guess what? Companies with the steadiest moral compasses have sailed through it.

Here is the first paragraph:

With everyone still buzzing about the outrageous bonuses Wall Street continues to pay, it seems like now might be a good time to write a column about ethics. No, I don't want to write another article calling greedy bankers unethical. Plenty of pundits have already done that. Rather, I'd like to speculate on why some executives are so greedy, the role it played in their downfall, and how an inability to change organizational mindsets will probably lead to future banking crises. I'd also like to go beyond Wall Street and examine ethics in the broader context of American business. By Vivek Wadhwa READ MORE

The Power of Choices

Nothing builds a person's character more deeply then a long line of choices. Here is a simple analogy:
You need to be at work by 8am. Well, first we must discuss "at work." What does this mean? Are you officially "at work" if you pull in the parking lot at 7:55am? No? Certainly you are "at work" if you walk in the door by 7:59am! Not sure? I am almost positive your "at work" if your at your desk by 7:59am. What do you think?
If you are at your desk (on time) but checking your personal email or Facebook page, does this satisfy the request of being "at work" by 8am? Wait, I know, your "at work", just sat down, relieved you made it on time, when you get up and head to the break room for some coffee, at work or not?
I think your getting the point. Teenagers are not at the "at work" point and have many other decisions to make. Like:

• what time should I get up so I can get to work on time?
• if it is 7am then what time should I get to bed so I am alert while at work?
• should I hang with my friends or head home for a good nights rest?

I could easily come up with 30 or 40 more thoughts, all just to prepare for our arrival at work.

Don't run from the mundane! Embrace the many daily decisions confident that if you choose right you will be deepening your character.

General Thoughts!

I have been spending a great deal of time contemplating the state of leadership in general. I really do see a trend towards impersonal and non-relational management.

When I say leadership, you can swap this term for many others!

Spouse, parent, teacher, officer, etc. Relationships are stressed to the breaking point all around us.\

When stress is out-of-control, it can get in the way of your ability to:

• Think clearly and creatively
• Communicate clearly
• Accurately "read" other people
• Hear what someone is really saying
• Trust others
• Attend to your own needs

I am learning to focus on the positive!

I recently watch a tremendous video titled "The Secret". If you are interested, visit the website by clicking the banner below. After watching this I realized that I need to focus my attention on more positive things. I especially need to point out the positive in others.

Keep coming back and hold me accountable to this!

If the banner does not work click The Secret

href="http://www.whatisthesecret.tv">

Un-Cooperative Leaders!!!!

I am fortunate to present during leadership training seminars and when it is time for me to call on the group to share and idea, answer, or comment I am amazed but how many that just sit there looking at everyone else or not looking at anyone.

Re-read my first sentence. I am training "leaders" and when I think of a leader I think of someone willing to step out when called upon to help. If I am training 50 people I believe 50 hands should shoot up the moment they are called to action.

I am working with an Air Force Colonel on a base where handicap parking is abused by non-handicapped drivers. His is trying to crack down on this issue but here is what a "real" leader does:

Instead of parking in the #1 spot on the base (earned after years of service mind you), he leaves it open for handicapped drivers unable to find a spot designated for them. Where does he park?

How to handle a difficult employee! Part 3 of 3

Restoring the relationship!
Typically, leaders are after changed behavior without realizing the best method to obtain this is by associating the poor decision with the relationship. When you have a strong bond with someone, if either party does something to offend the other, they are naturally disappointed. I might even venture to say they are saddened by the persons choice of "poor" character.
Next we want to get to the root of any disciplinary issues (poor character), or as I like to say, poor choices.
It is just like in the old days when mom asked "what did you do?" and we normally replied, "Susan said, or "David hit me", neither of these responses answered the question. So what did mom say next, "no, what did you do?" until we finally say with our own mouths, "I pinched Mary" or "I said ____ to Mark."
We are at a true mile-stone when the offender can sincerely say, "I lied to you" or "I was wrong in my choice."
Now here is real progress. See what I post next!

I Do My Best Work For A Leader Who...

Take our fun poll, I do my best work for a leader who.... Here is the link featured on LinkedIn. Have fun folks.

I DO MY BEST WORK

How to handle a difficult employee! Part 2 of 3

Work place correction is to restore a broken or damaged relationship. This is assuming, as mentioned in part 1, that you have a relationship.

Most work place correction steps are not successful because there is nothing to restore. Managers are not communicating with their people. They only expect them to punch in and out and to sweat their brains out in between. This is such a shame and all too common.

I have some questions for every leader out there! Have you ever invited your employee to sit with you, face to face, and ask toask them how they are doing? Do they enjoy their work? How am I doing as their leader? What about family, hobbies, and interest outside of work? This is all to build a stronger relationship. It has to go beyond the office meeting. Day to day leaders need to be in direct contact with their people. Encourage them with verbal support and see how their day is going. A friend once told me that he would ask, "if you were to describe your day in terms of weather, would it be bright sun and warm, cloudy and gray, or freezing snow and ice with no visibility? Much deeper than "how are you?"

Once this has been accomplished we can now get to the business of restoring the relationship after the employee has damaged it in some specific way.

Part 3 of 3 next!

How to handle a difficult employee! Part 1 or 3

I hope you are not reading this for a quick fix. Quick fixes do not endure!

I am about to share a very powerful and successful method but first, you will need to rewind the clock.

Do you know your employees favorite hobby? What about their family background? Do you know where they live? These are small parts of a larger picture. I am talking about your "relationship" with your employee. Do you even have one?

I am amazed how many supervisors know little or nothing about the team that surrounds them. This team is responsible for creating much of the supervisor's success.

The goal of work place corrections is not what most people think.

It is not

• to change the behavior of the person
• to penalize wrong actions
• to fire the person

Even though all of these are potential issues the real purpose of corrections is to "restore" a damaged relationship.

Come back for part two.

Relationship Destroyers?

What is the surest way to destroy a relationship?

Start with little or no communications!

When husbands and wives have an argument the first thing out the window is typically communications. I have had many arguments with my wife. Nearly every one of them was my fault. Even when I realize I am the cause my initial reaction is to stop talking. A matter of fact, there have been times when I felt compelled to walk away and even leave the house.

I had always been told that "time heals all things." Well, what a lie!

The most crucial need is to look at each other and talk. Let the other know what is on your heart and follow the lead of the discussion.

Though you may not come to a reconciliation you have just started the process to repairing your damaged relationship.

This principle works for parents and kids, teachers and students, and yes, managers and employees.

Good Coaches Vanishing - Part 3

Here is another real life story:

My son's and I were watch a basketball tournament. We had great seats in a raised area over looking two courts. About one minute into the games (both started the same time) a woman tapped me on the shoulder. She asked if I wouldn't mind taping one of the games. She actually said, my husband is coaching on this court and we will be playing the winners from the other court. He wants badly to scout their abilities.

I thought it was presumptuous to think they had already won their game and already looking at the next challenger. I decided to help them out by taping the other game.

Somewhere around 2-3 minutes into the game I recognized what type of coach this man was and better understood their request.

While filming their potential challenger I kept hearing this loud, obnoxious, out of control yelling. With one eye on my filming task I would occasionally glance at the other court. Guess who was the source of all the commotion? It was the husband (coach) of the woman that asked me to film the other game.

He was making such a fool of himself that parents, coaches, referees, and sadly the players, were all watching him with shock and dropped jaws. This was so disturbing that I decided to do something about it.

I turned my attention, as well as the filming, toward this loud coach. I started filming him and with my very own commentary. I filmed him during these tirades and better yet, I videoed the faces of the fans, referees, and players.

To this day I wonder what these people thought when they went to their hotel rooms to view the film. Expecting to see scouting footage, they must have been shocked.

Please, coaches, leaders, parents, and authorities in general, stop sending one message with your words and another with your actions. It is better to be consistently bad then inconsistently good!

Good Coaches Vanishing - Part 2

I am so sad for the young athletes today! I continue to experience very poor leadership on the courts and fields of our youth sport leagues.

Even though I only played high school baseball and soccer I would love to coach a team in any sport. I am convinced one thousand percent that 80-90% of the game is heart, the rest is ability. If a coach would just tap into the power of the heart, he or she would be amazing. Dare I even say, another John Wooden!

Here is a real life example of a coach destroying his players hearts.

Post victory at a high school regional championship game, the local newspaper interviewed the winning coach. Bare in mind, this coach is known for his temper, crushing words to players, and general ignorance of the game of basketball.

Here are the words I want to focus on from the interview:


“We played perfect basketball through three quarters, I mean perfect. We played well defensively, and the biggest key was keeping them off the boards, we didn’t give up too many offensive rebounds,” coach said. “But, they were desperate. They started pressing and trapping, and we weren’t getting any fouls, which turned it into a bunch of athletes against non-athletes, basically.”

NON-ATHLETES?????

This is exactly what you say when you want your team, who is about to play the #1 team in the state, to enter the game already defeated.

Here is my big question for the schools Athletic Director - What is your selection process for coaches? To leadership in general, do you realize that your managers are the most powerful people in your organizations? Stop putting poor coaches over great players and bad managers over great people!

The "John Wooden's" of the Coaching World are Vanishing!

John Wooden was a master relationship builder. Just take a look at his "Pyramid for Success."

"Competitive Greatness" is at the top but the top must be support by a strong base. Look at the base qualities. It is all about character. Show me a coach doing this today (and there are some) and I will show you a very competitive team.

Where Have All the Good Coaches Gone?

After years of sports with my two sons I have come to the conclusion that 95% of all coaches are very poor at "coaching" people.

First, I am surprised how many coaches don't know the basics of the game they are playing. An example would be basketball. It is critical that your team make a high percentage of free-throws. Why? Every close game is decided by free-throws.

Second, I am blown away by how many coaches have no clue how to treat their young and impressionable players.

Yelling in their faces "you wimp", "that's why you sit the bench" or "sit down and shut up" accomplish only one thing. It closes their heart and breeds disloyalty.

This is such a hot topic in my life right now I plan to continue this thought in the next few posts.

How Do You Improve Your Leadership Skills?

Have you ever worked for a supervisor that thought they knew everything? They are normally the ones that balk at anyone making a suggestion or dare to point out a better way to do something.

It really doesn’t matter what industry you work in whether it is healthcare, manufacturing, public service, law enforcement, or any of the service categories. You can never learn enough.

I guess it might be possible to learn everything about a piece of machinery or about servicing a copier until the next update or model is released. Where most leaders think they have arrived is in their people skills.

Look folks, people have the most updates, revisions, and new models then any piece of equipment or computer, yet this is the most neglected “skill” in every industry in the world.

Understanding how people think, what makes them tick, how to push the right buttons, and more importantly, how not to push the wrong buttons is the key to successful relationships.

I am so thrilled to be working for Character First! This ever changing relational part of leadership is what we specialize in. We are currently working on a motto like “we grow people’ or “transforming the way we do business by transforming the way we do life.”

Look back at many of my posts and you will see the different ways we accomplish this. I do plan to share a more comprehensive version of those posts so keep your eye on this blog.

Review: The Five Dysfunctions of a Team

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team is a bestselling business book by consultant and speaker Patrick Lencioni. It describes the many pitfalls that teams face as they seek to "row together." This book explores the fundamental causes of organizational politics and team failure. Like most of Lencioni's books, the bulk of it is written as a business fable.

It is popular with sports coaches because the issues it describes are especially important in team sports.

"This gripping fable centers on Kathryn Petersen, an old-school CEO who comes out of retirement to accept the monumental task of transforming a dysfunctional group of high profile, egocentric executives into a cohesive and effective team. With an amazing gift for building teams, Kathryn forces her colleagues to confront the behavioral pitfalls that destroy most teams and adopt the five characteristics of a truly cohesive one.

The five dysfunctions are:

Absence of Trust

The first of the dysfunctions, absence of trust, stems from teams unwillingness to be vulnerable within the group. Team members who are not genuinely open with one another about their mistakes and weaknesses make it impossible to build a foundation for trust.

Fear of Conflict

This failure to build trust is damaging because it sets a tone for the second dysfunction: fear of conflict. Teams that lack trust are incapable of engaging in unfiltered passionate debate of ideas. Instead, they resort to veiled discussions and guarded comments.

Lack of Commitment

A lack of healthy conflict is a problem because it ensures the third dysfunction of a team: lack of commitment. without having aired their opinions in the course of passionate and open debate, team members rarely, if ever, buy in and commit to decisions, though they may feign agreement during meetings.

Avoidance of Accountability

Because of this lack of real commitment and buy-in, team members develop an avoidance of accountability, the fourth dysfunction. Without committing to a clear plan of action, even the most focused and driven people often hesitate to call their peers on actions and behaviors that seem counterproductive to the good of the team.

Inattention to Results

Failure to hold one another accountable creates an environment where the fifth dysfunction can thrive. Inattention to results occurs when team members put their individual needs (such as ego, career development, or recognition) or even the needs of their divisions above the collective goals of the team.

What Motivates a Leader to be a Great Leader?

It has always been my intention to focus on the actions, thoughts, words, and attitudes of leaders. One that I have been thinking of lately is the question, what motivates a leader to be a great leader?

I remember working in an organization that trained young men with the goal of preparing them for future leadership. It was an intense program with great pressure as well as instruction with strict evaluation. During a graduation one of the father's asked me a profound question, why do you think so many of these young men fail when they return home? I had a quick response but years later realized it was an accurate one.

The reason they failed was a lack of accountability!

Think about it, what was going on in your life when you had a failure? This is an easy answer from my own life experience. Failures usually where proceeded by a period of little or no accountability.

Why does a sport team need a coach? For the most part it to ensure each individual trains beyond their complacency, to push a person into new areas of growth and learning.

So I ask you, where is the accountability for today's leader?

Oh, I know there are production quota's, performance evaluations, and promotion steps that in their own way hold authority accountabile, but where is the accountability of the most important part of real leadership?

I am talking about how a leader treats their most valuable resource. their people.

More to follow in my next post.

A Disappointed USAF Veteran

Let me open this post with a brief statement: I love the Air Force and thing it is an amazing organization. I highly recommend this branch as a launching site for any young persons career. All organizations have their faults. Please understand that I respect the USAF.

When it comes to taking charge of your life I understand the need to take things into your own hands but I also believe the things I highlighted in RED should be handled by the supervisor.

Please notice the last "red" highlight, even the military needs to learn how to be encouragers.

5 Steps to Improving Your EPR "SCORE"

Although the Air Force Performance Evaluation system is designed to observe and report your performance, there are 5 steps you can take that are virtually guaranteed to improve your evaluations.

Step 1. Start out by reading AIR FORCE INSTRUCTION 36-2406. Understanding how the process works is key to making it work for you. Pay particular attention to appropriate evaluation form for your rank.

Step 2. Communicate. Talk with your evaluator (supervisor) about your performance report. You should go over the form line by line to determine their expectations. Ask your evaluator for their advice on how to improve your EPR and get the highest score possible.

Step 3. Be Opportunistic. Take every opportunity you can to demonstrate the level of performance that your evaluator suggested. Be sure to take the initiative and show that you're committed to performing at the highest level.

Step 4. Record your personal performance. Keep a performance diary, noting the times and situations when you demonstrated the skills, initiative, leadership, and performance your evaluator suggested.

Step 5. Evaluate yourself. Complete your own evaluation report including documentation and support information. After all it is your career, and you are the only one who knows exactly what you have accomplished during the evaluation period. Submit your EPR and documentation to your evaluator.

Your evaluator has a rough job, he or she has to monitor you and your coworkers performance throughout the entire evaluation period. It is nearly impossible for an evaluator to remember every detail about your performance. In fact evaluators tend to remember negative situations more often than the positive ones. By following these 5 steps you will make your evaluators job easier, and when you make their job easier it can't help but to increase your EPR SCORE.